Looking up
I recently heard a song from Sidewalk Prophets called Looking Up. I didn’t really pay attention the first time until I heard the words “strong enough to make Superman’s knees hit the ground”. Sometimes it takes a word or phrase to catch in my mind before I really listen. Go listen to the whole song when you have a moment, but this is my favorite part.
There's a long list of roads to rock bottom
Just a handful of ways to climb out
Yeah, I've been hit with some punches
Strong enough to make Superman's knees hit the ground
Some things will make you start praying
Whether you believe in God or not
If you get low enough
You'll start looking
Up to the heavens
Asking for help
Saying, "Lord, I can't do this by myself."
Up to the Father
Who calls you His own
Up to the One who can bring you back home
I know there have been times in my life where I have had to say “Lord, I can’t do this by myself”. I should probably do it more. I have had a handful of times that I feel like the punches have been strong enough to bring me to my knees. I don’t mean hitting my knees in prayer but my knees hitting the ground out of grief, hurt, pain or needing immediate answers that sometimes didn’t come.
One of the times I remember most vividly, was in 2002. We were living in Highland, CA and I had been having some serious struggles with my faith and letting go of some things of the past that had been hurtful to my family. For whatever reason, and I know it was God, my parents made a surprise visit to see us. I opened the door and there they stood. It was a surprise because they lived in TX and we had just seen them in Hawaii on our adult only, no kids, vacation. My parents have taken my brothers, our spouses along with them on a vacation every other year for 30 years without our kids. We have had some amazing times and been to some beautiful places. Anyway, back to the topic! They show up and I completely lose it. Mark and I had just been having a conversation that evening about my attitude and lack of love it seemed for him and the girls. The love was there but it was not showing and wasn’t evident to him. My heart was so grieved, but I knew he was right. There were some things in my past that I couldn’t forgive myself for and my family was suffering. And I was too. My mom and I went to lunch a couple of days later and I remember her asking me how I was. She is my mama, so she knew something was wrong. I told her all my thoughts and concerns, good and bad, and she was so gracious. She was the mama I needed in that moment. She told me that in our own strength and power we can’t forgive ourselves because self always wants to condemn. The only thing to do is fall on our knees to Jesus and ask Him to intercede for us and to take away all the things we are holding on to. We need to look up to Him and not to ourselves. I did just that. I went home to my bedroom, fell on my knees by my rocking chair and just poured out all my heart to Him. In that moment of surrender and acknowledgement that I needed Him to do a work in my heart; it felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I prayed for a new love for my husband who had been so faithful in his love for me and never gave up on me. In that moment of asking for new love for Mark, God gave it to me. To say I fell I love all over again is not enough. My love for him was so much deeper than anything I had experienced.
I am so grateful for moments like that. Moments where we can look up and experience the love God has for His children. In that moment I felt Him wrap His arms around me like a good father should do, tell me it will be alright and continue to love me, unconditionally.
Moments of loss can bring a person to their knees, and I have had a handful. One was after Mark’s surgery, and he was recovering. I just didn’t know what the outcome was going to be, so I just looked up and gave Mark to God and said, “I know you have him and me and I trust you no matter what the outcome is”. I had one when precious friends lost their 10-year-old daughter, Ella Kate, to an AVM, arteriovenous malformation (brain aneurysm/brain bleed). It happened so fast. Here on a Wednesday gone on a Friday. She was very close to me and our family. It was one of those moments that had me looking up because it should not be happening and I didn’t know what else to do but cry out to God. It was days on my knees asking, begging, pleading, crying for healing for her and peace for her family. The reality is in those moments praying for Ella Kate, the only thing I knew to do was look up. I had one when a precious man who we were in ministry with and like another father to both Mark and me died way too early.
We feel the loss so greatly. We miss our loved ones so much that at times the grief can be overwhelming. For Mark, Ella Kate, and Bob they have now experienced Heaven and what a day it was for them. One day, we know we will be with them again. When the weight of grief gets to be too much, I look up!
I know the reality is I should always be looking up and most of the time I am. But I can get too busy and moving right along that I don’t always do what needs to be done. In moments where the punches take us to our knees, we do stop and look up. Still, in just average everyday moments we or at least I, tend to not stop and ask for what I need in the moment. I think it’s not so bad so why look up? Yet, in those average everyday moments I still need to look up!
Where are you these days? Hopefully you haven’t had a strong enough punch that takes you to your knees, but the reality is, at some point you probably will. Don’t wait until that moment to look up. Constantly be looking up to the One that loves us most and wants to be there for us.
