It’s the little things

I know that throughout a lifetime there are things that remind us of people, places and things that are important to us. That can be especially true when you have a loved one that passes. In those moments you can choose to laugh, cry, be angry, or grieve. As I was writing this, the song Bette Midler sang in Beaches came to mind. One of the verses is: You’ve got to laugh a little, cry a little, until the clouds roll by a litte. That’s the story of that’s the glory of love.

For me, one of those things is a place called Freddy’s Frozen Custard and Steakburgers. Mark started his treatments in January of 2019, and they went through that November. It was an hour and half drive each way, so we always stopped at Freddy’s on our way home. It didn’t matter the time of day, we stopped. When I say we went every time, I mean every time. We should have taken stock in it! After Mark passed and Meg and I moved to the DFW area, we never really went again. Fast forward to a month ago and Meg and I are out for a drive. There is so much being built around us and of course new places to eat. Can you guess what was being built like 10 minutes from us? Yep! A Freddy’s was opening! We did cry a bit, and then we both laughed because it was a good memory. Remember times when Mark and I would go after treatments and talk, cry, and sometime just eat in silence. I can’t remember anything specific, but it was just the time spent together. I will cherish those times and every time I pass one, remember. Now that the one by us is open, Meg and I went this week. We enjoyed our time and even talked about what her daddy would have ordered.

I know for me; it’s the little things. I miss him when it storms outside. He loved storms. I am beginning to. I miss him when I want to go to the movies and dinner. I most definitely miss date nights. I miss Fridays. They were our day. When he was on staff at our church in California, Friday and Saturday were his days off. Friday belonged to us and Saturday to the family. That didn’t change when we moved to TX. When I go to Colorado, I remember. When I watch certain sports events, I remember. When I watch any sports that has to do with the Denver Broncos or CU Buffs, I remember. Dodgers baseball, I remember. When I see my grandchildren smile, I think of his smile. He had the best one! As I watch our daughters love Jesus and their family, I remember. Those are just a few things that remind me of Mark. The list could go on and on, but it would take up too much space. I am sure you have your own list. What is on it?

I know there are some who say that when they see a penny or a red cardinal it is their loved one that has passed sending a positive and uplifting sign, bringing hope, connection and comfort to them. To be honest, I don’t really know how it works. I know God sends us signs and shows up in mysterious ways. Maybe pennies and red cardinals are His way of saying, “I am here with you, and I love you”. Whether or not you believe in those signs, that really isn’t the point. The point is that if it is important to you and it reminds you of your loved one, then I think that is good.

There have been times that I have been having a bad day or struggling with something and out of nowhere a cardinal appears. The first time was the Mother’s Day a year after Mark passed. I was just missing him and wishing he was there. He loved celebrating me on that day. He always got cards for the girls to sign and even made a video once. I still watch it from time to time. Who knows why the cardinal was there that morning, but it was. I just smiled and then cried then smiled again.  

I have a song that reminds me of my sweet Ella Kate. When she was 3 there was a song called Party in the USA. She would sit in my lap, and we would sing it and do the hand motions for the chorus. Sometimes we would get up and dance. There isn’t a time it is played now that I don’t remember. I have sat a cried in the middle of a store when it came on and other times I have smiled and remembered. Remember a sweet and sassy little girl who was one of the lights of my life and is remembered and loved today.

I am glad for the little things. I don’t always love social media, but I do like getting the memories on Facebook. There are times when certain memories or pictures pop up that I forgot about. I try to laugh and smile at the memory because I am so glad I have them. I know it can be difficult to remember. I know there are moments that pass that you want to just shut down because your loved one isn’t here. I know there are holidays and certain occasions you don’t want to celebrate because it is too painful to think of having them without your loved one. I know there can be moments you want to just shut the world away, not get out of bed, not leave the house, not socialize or even be present. However, when those moments come, I encourage you to think about your loved one. What would they want? What would you want? I hope you would each want the one still here to keep moving forward and keep remembering!

It says in Ecclesiastes that: For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away…

The little things matter. Remember them with love and be thankful you have them.