you are my sunshine
When our oldest daughter, Meagan, was born it was to a twenty-one-year-old mom and dad who know next to nothing about having kids. Man, we were young. We absolutely fell in love with our bundle of joy. The next few years would prove trying as she was born with a chromosome deficiency. Part of her 18th chromosome was missing. Thirty-six years ago, there was hardly anything known about this. However, as she grew, we saw struggles she was having. Some were identifiable and others not so much. She struggled in social settings, school and some learning. But she was a very loving and giving little girl. It was never so much that you noticed right away. Once you spent a lot of time with her some of the difficulties she had would show. Fast-forward to when she was twenty-four and we learned a lot more about it. Of course, we already knew a lot because we were raising her and knew some of the struggles she had, was still having and will always have. But she is a fighter and has conquered so much. It has never been anything that she hasn’t known, and we have fought every fight with her through it all. It is a chromosome deficiency called 18P- that is very rare, and we are still learning some things about it. She was and still is our sunshine, just not our only one!
Her daddy was her biggest support, or so she would say. Her sisters were, well, sisters, growing up. They fought, loved, and gave each other a hard time! They never let anything she did stop them from loving her. They never let her use it as an excuse. Even though she tried at times, they were and still are relentless in their love for her and pushing her to be her best, as she does them.
To meet Megs, Mega or Mege, depending on who is calling her, is to meet an amazing woman who loves her family, fiercely! She has worked hard for everything in her life and is still working hard. She grew up wanting to be married and have children. She loved kids and babysat and worked in the church nursery and daycare when she was in school. She was always willing to help with kids and loved doing it. She always talked about wanting to be a mom! Her dream of having children, at least of her own, hasn’t come to pass. She has, however, become an amazing aunt. She has 2 nieces and 3 nephews who she loves with her whole heart. She has been able to watch the ones we live by often. She became their caretaker for a couple of years and is just this year not watching them as much. It has taken her a while to be content with not having children. She says they are a lot, and she is tired when they leave. She does so much for them, and they are always in her thoughts and in her prayers. She loves going to visit her Colorado ones and spending time with them when she can. She loves giving each of them undivided attention and spoiling them. She knows so much about them because she loves like a mama, without the act of being one. Her sisters are so gracious in allowing her to love them like she does. As her sisters got married and had children, I often wondered why He chose for her not to have the same. As the last several years have gone by, I don’t wonder as much anymore.
Why don’t I wonder anymore? One reason is because she is content now with where the Lord has her. He does know best even when we don’t realize it or want to accept it. So, as she is content, I am for her. I know she probably still struggles with it at times and may always and that is ok. It is a dream she had to realize wouldn’t come true, at least the way she thought. It came true but in a different way and as time goes by she may realize it was the best way. Being able to live by some of her nephews and nieces and have a front row seat to helping raise them is such a blessing. Plus, she can send home to mama and daddy! Fast-forward to thirty-two and the other reason I don’t wonder anymore. God knew what was going to happen with Mark. He knew I was going to want someone with me after He took him home. I would go so far as to say, need someone with me. I do fine by myself but man I miss her when she goes to visit her grandparents and family in Houston or Colorado. I miss having another person in the house even if we don’t talk all the time. Although she does like to talk! We do a lot together, but I love it when she wants to do her own thing. I want her to do her own thing but then come home! She has her own small group, her own business and her own life. She loves to travel and does so often. I also know that if God has plans for her to move out and do her own thing I won’t stop her. I am so incredibly grateful for the time I have with her now, even though we drive each other crazy at times. I know there are widows who have an empty house. They are on their own and they do fine. I also know there are those who would love to have someone in the home with them. No, you can’t have Megs. She is mine! I am so grateful God choose her for our family and knew when she was born, she was going to do great things. It may not look like she thought it would, but it is an amazing life. She may struggle as times being stuck with me, but I am so glad I am stuck with her.
I don’t know who needs this today. I know life doesn’t always work out how we imagined it. I know it didn’t for me. Mark and I wanted a lifetime together, like our parents had and still have. Mark’s mom passed last September but his parents would have celebrated 61 years that November. My parents just celebrated 59 years together last month. We were on our 33rd anniversary. But God! I must remind myself that He sees the bigger picture. Where we see though the small picture, He sees the big picture. I don’t wonder why. To have the answer wouldn’t change anything so why wonder. I am not perfect. Believe me I struggle with other things and in other areas. I also know that if God still has me here, He has something for me. I love having a ministry for widows even if it isn’t how I imagined my life would be. I love spending time with my girls and their families and especially being close to my grandchildren. I love experiencing new things with Meg and excited to see where He takes us next. He has something for you. What is it? What are you missing out on because you are mad, bitter, angry, or sad that life hasn’t turned out like you wanted? It isn’t always easy but embrace where God has you today!
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 He knows!
